I have this ritual of exercising every morning. I did not get any exercise the last 10 days, what being Deepavali which is synonymous with butter cookies, muruku and MUTTON!! So, you can imagine, with no exercise for 10 days, 'aunty' (yours truly) put on an easy 3 kgs!!!
When I golfed yesterday, I felt I was carrrying more pounds than my golf bag. Then I realized I have "extra baggage".
So, it's the moment of truth that I have to resort to my 1,3 5 cereals- for- dinner- programme. But now I shall have cereals for dinner "twenty four seven" until I lose all 3 kgs and go back to my desirable weight of 60 kgs. Anything lesser than that will make my already threatening -to -sag boobs, sag for real!! (Incidently, I passed the pencil test,ok.) Hey, come on, I will be 42 in February! And I am loving it. We can't keep everything UP all the time. Remember, whatever's up must come down. It's the law of gravity.
Where was I? Yes, so today, I decided to swim. I usually do 30 laps non -stop in the pool. Okay, okay, I am pushing it . I stop after every 10 laps, stretch for a while before I continue with the next set of ten laps and again until I finish 30 laps. Each lap is about 60m. So I swim close to 1.8 Km which takes me approximately an hour to complete. Not bad wa-a-at for a 42 year old lady!!
Anyway, I usually drape a towel around me and head for the shower room where I relief myself of my swimsuit, dry myself up and put on a slip dress and head home. I prefer to lounge in my very own private bathroom and have my shower. The pool is only about 5 mins walk from my home. Since I head there right after I have dropped the kids off at school, I am usually swimming by 7.30am.
I was sitting on the bench, in the shower room for ladies and proceeded to peel my swimsuit off. Then I dried myself and quickly put on my slip dress. Eventhough I am always alone in the ladies shower room, I am still very conservative when it comes to changing. Occasionally, I see some Korean lady golfers who stand around the bench-BUCK NAKED oblivious to any other lady who walks in. Infact, I feel embarressed when I catch them naked. But they don't seem to care. I feel embaressment for them because all I see are raisins and pancakes!!!
Anyway, as I was pulling my dress down my legs, I heard the shuffling of feet. Imagine my shock when I saw a man trudging into the shower room smoking a ciggarrette. I shouted at him.
"Oi! Ini bilik air perempuan. Apa u buat kat sini?" (This is the ladies shower room. What the hell are u doing here?)
He very nonchalantly replied,"Oh, really" (Ya,ke ) and then proceeded to walk out.
No way man, I am not going to let him off that easy! I walked out of the shower room after him.
I asked him,"Who are you?" (Siapa kamu?)
He did not reply.
I asked him again, "Who the hell are you,damnit!"
"Ah, I work at the back." (Saya kerja kat belakang)
"Back? Where?" (Belakang mana?)
"Are you a staff of this resort? Who are you?" (U kerja kat sini? Siapa kau?)
The joker just carried on walking out of my sight to the corner where the men's toilet was. He had an accomplice with him. I asked his accomplice if this guy was with him. Pindrop silence.
That's it. I lost my head. I went up to reception and started shouting and relating what happenned. The lady at the reception said, surely the signage indicating "ladies" was big enough for him to see. A few marshals were at the reception too. I alerted them to go find the man in a red T Shirt and jeans. I want to know who is he. If he is a tresspasser who has no business in the club then I am going to give the management HELL!
My good friend, the Pro Shop owner joined in the chase. I called the security as well. Now everyone was looking for the guy who has no respect for women or is illiterate.
I raved, moaned and groaned, yelled and screamed, huffed and puffed and was short of spewing fire from my nostrils because MY PRIVACY WAS VIOLATED!!
I went over to my Volvo, retrieved my cell phone and poured my heart out to my husband. He was very calm on the phone. This is what I love about my husband, when I am shooting my top, he remains cool and collected. Steve was still at home at that time.
The security at the main entrance was alerted and they managed to stop the lorry on time. Apparently, the guy is a despatch for Atlas Ice Cubes. Little did he realize that soon he is going to be iced.
I went home shortly after, still fuming. I called 103 and got the number for Atlas Ice. I identified myself and asked for the manager. A Mr Yong answered the call and apparently someone from the club had already called him and he was aware of the incident. I told him that it was ME in the shower. He listened to me but was not really sympathetic. So I had to press further.
"Imagine if it was your wife standing buck naked and a man enters the ladies. How would you feel?"
It worked. He got paranoid. He suggested I make a police report. He promised to severely reprimand his man. He agreed that his man was stupid and should not have entered the ladies restroom. And then he started firing his man. All because I said it could have been his wife.
Anyway, I told him that I am not interested to lodge a police report because it would be a hassle and our dear police can't even control the current crime rate.
They hauled up the guy. The man apologized, something he should have done when I confronted him. Not just snigger at me and walk away. If he had immediately apologized to me, I would not have blown this issue out of proportion. I would have just blasted him to kingdom come.
He held my husbands hands , cried and begged for forgiveness and that he "accidentally" entered the restroom. Steve did not spare him. Ofcourse Steve had a field day with all kinds of accusatory words levelled at him. Steve said that he cannot accept the man's explanation of not seeing the signage. It's a poor excuse. It should not happen.The club manager was present too. The manager told the guy that he is very lucky that Steve did not beat him up.
Half an hour later, the club manager called me and apologized on behalf of the management. Another 10 minutes later, a letter of apology from the management was hand delivered to my home.
Now the truth. I was not buck naked when the man entered the restroom. I had put my clothes on. Thank God for that. I would die of embarresment if I was seen like that by anyone else. Actually, every time I changed my clothes, I do it very discreetly, even when I am in the cubicle. I never take all my clothes off. I worry about built in cameras etc.
But one thing for sure. The man must be taught a lesson. I believe for the rest of his life, each time he enters a public toilet, he will look twice, thrice , four times before entering it.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Comments on "Never Touch Another Ass"
These are the comments sent to my e mail. Though I cried and begged them to comment on my blog, as of today I see zilch!!
Hi Nirmala,
Your stories made my morning thanks, hope some sensible news paper picks it up, “kid” you have talent, just keep it going and surely I end up with a rich and famous friend, being selfish as I am. When and if I get around to write something about my, now ancient history escapades, I would be honored if you would be kind enough to publish it on your site.
Best wishes: George Viczena
Hi Mala,
Its a great blog and the stories are very cool. I like the ones of you being mad and losing your best friend. I think I know this 'friend'. I'll check your blog every chance I get. some pics when I was in malaysia.
take care
Guna
Dear Mala,
I have read your blog. I am so sorry about the incident. If it had happened to me I would certainly not be scared but furious and would have probably given him a tight slap and probably hit him with my shoe. What is becoming of our young people. They seem to lack manners and respect for the elders.I shall be in PD tomorrow. Hope to see you.
Lots of love,
Madinah
Hey Mala,
"What is this world, it is full of care - we have no time to stand and stare". That is a famous line from a beautiful poem I love.
Unfortunately, losers have too much time on their hand. An idle mind is a devil's workshop - who knows what goes thru someone's minds. You may have done him a great a great big favor for the rest of his life. May he be respectful - to be honest I have never understood when guys stop and gawk at a woman's ass AFTER she has walked past them. Isn't the face and the bust so much worthier looking at ;-)
Fantastic article - good writing and the moral lesson is the worthiest of it all.
Impressed and admire your guts and what you did!
Cheers,
Wacko Jacko
Dear Mala,
Addictive reading! I admire your guts!
I am on a rare visit to an internet facility, so this will be brief. We are still not working but start next Sunday. The teachers are Egyptian, Jordanian, Palestinian mostly with a few Qataris. Full of fun, motivation and lots of charisma. The Qatari female teachers are fully veiled so that is a little strange talking to someone whose face you cannot see. But they seem very feisty. Off to some schools tomorrow to see the wild little Bedouin boys they have to teach. Hope you are all well and have enjoyed Deepavali celebrations or is it too early for that? Any more news on the condo? Thank Steve for all his hard work getting things settled for us . I miss all the stories about John and his dog!
love from Geraldine
Hi Mala,
Hope the exams are going well for the kids.
Good to hear you are not taking any shit from some young punks. I’m sure you did him a favour by shouting at him…who knows where they will draw the line if they keep getting away with obnoxious behaviour!
Anyway, hope the attached movie clip puts a smile on your face…very relevant! English humour!
Have been suffering from a bad cold since yesterday and can’t get much sleep.
Paul Langlois
Hi Nirmala,
Your stories made my morning thanks, hope some sensible news paper picks it up, “kid” you have talent, just keep it going and surely I end up with a rich and famous friend, being selfish as I am. When and if I get around to write something about my, now ancient history escapades, I would be honored if you would be kind enough to publish it on your site.
Best wishes: George Viczena
Hi Mala,
Its a great blog and the stories are very cool. I like the ones of you being mad and losing your best friend. I think I know this 'friend'. I'll check your blog every chance I get. some pics when I was in malaysia.
take care
Guna
Dear Mala,
I have read your blog. I am so sorry about the incident. If it had happened to me I would certainly not be scared but furious and would have probably given him a tight slap and probably hit him with my shoe. What is becoming of our young people. They seem to lack manners and respect for the elders.I shall be in PD tomorrow. Hope to see you.
Lots of love,
Madinah
Hey Mala,
"What is this world, it is full of care - we have no time to stand and stare". That is a famous line from a beautiful poem I love.
Unfortunately, losers have too much time on their hand. An idle mind is a devil's workshop - who knows what goes thru someone's minds. You may have done him a great a great big favor for the rest of his life. May he be respectful - to be honest I have never understood when guys stop and gawk at a woman's ass AFTER she has walked past them. Isn't the face and the bust so much worthier looking at ;-)
Fantastic article - good writing and the moral lesson is the worthiest of it all.
Impressed and admire your guts and what you did!
Cheers,
Wacko Jacko
Dear Mala,
Addictive reading! I admire your guts!
I am on a rare visit to an internet facility, so this will be brief. We are still not working but start next Sunday. The teachers are Egyptian, Jordanian, Palestinian mostly with a few Qataris. Full of fun, motivation and lots of charisma. The Qatari female teachers are fully veiled so that is a little strange talking to someone whose face you cannot see. But they seem very feisty. Off to some schools tomorrow to see the wild little Bedouin boys they have to teach. Hope you are all well and have enjoyed Deepavali celebrations or is it too early for that? Any more news on the condo? Thank Steve for all his hard work getting things settled for us . I miss all the stories about John and his dog!
love from Geraldine
Hi Mala,
Hope the exams are going well for the kids.
Good to hear you are not taking any shit from some young punks. I’m sure you did him a favour by shouting at him…who knows where they will draw the line if they keep getting away with obnoxious behaviour!
Anyway, hope the attached movie clip puts a smile on your face…very relevant! English humour!
Have been suffering from a bad cold since yesterday and can’t get much sleep.
Paul Langlois
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Golfing Eagle
It was just another day. Another round of golf with Val and Jess .I drove my tee shot past the 150 marker and positioned for a 3 on, in this par 4 of 367m. Using a 6 iron for my second shot, I reckon I could easily chip with a 9 iron and let it roll onto the green and to the pin. If today was my lucky golf day, then I could par the hole. Otherwise I don’t mind a bogey.
As I was walking to my ball which was a little left onto the rough, I was petrified to see white baby birds dead on the grass. They were not nestlings but of pretty good sizes. There were 2 of them. I approached them only to have Jess and Val say, “Watch out! Bird flu!”. Well, that’s how ludicrous my golf mates can get!
I proceeded to use my 6 iron to turn them over and to my horror it dawned on me that these were no ordinary birds but they were indeed a species of eagles called the” white belly eagle”. Curiosity got the better of me as I wanted to see what injuries they had sustained. Suddenly I heard an ear piercing, high pitched wailing sound. It was the mother eagle. She actually flew a wee bit too low over my head - probably yelling and calling me a murderer for having the audacity to hang around there. I ducked and ran off from the scene and desperately tried to continue with my game which was not to be.
The mother eagle continued to cry her heart out the way only she knew. She could not believe her babies were dead. She could not endure to see the carcasses of her beloved babies lying helplessly there on the grass. She could not stomach the fact that some predator had the heart to kill her little babies. She circled the area where her babies lay and continued screeching and screeching and screaming and screaming. Her loud protests pierced the morning sky and alerted my husband. Apparently, my house faces the 1st hole of the 3rd nine.
In vain I tried to focus on my game but it was impossible. Throughout the game she continued to defy the inevitable. I could hear her from hole to hole. Upon glancing up to the sky I noticed she was joined by other white belly eagles who also screamed in unison with her. The deep penetrating sorrowful cries of the mother eagle and her peers never relented.
These eagles are a sight to behold. They have grey and white feathers, their beaks are a stunning yellow and their eyes are blood shot red.You would catch your breath if you had come into eye contact with them. They are simply awesome.
I told my kids the plethora of events of the morning. The mood was somber as they started to imagine the catastrophe that had befallen the eagles. These eagles were our companions as we drank tea on the patio every evening. They swooned around the forest area right behind my house- father, mother and their babies. And today 2 of them are dead.
I took them to the location of the babies, but we could not venture too close because the mother eagle was still circulating the area- trying desperately to accept the cruel twist of fate that had befallen her babies. It was already noon, but for her, time had stood still the moment she discovered the bitter truth of her babies’ massacre. In utter disbelief and anarchy the mother eagle continued to scream and screech till dusk. Only when the sun was completely submerged did she stop her hysterical cries.
It was a day of reckoning for me. I actually felt the mother eagle’s excruciating pain. I felt her melancholy. I felt her loss. I felt her desperation. I felt her bewilderment. I felt her confusion. If only she could speak then the world will know that animals feel pain too.
As I was walking to my ball which was a little left onto the rough, I was petrified to see white baby birds dead on the grass. They were not nestlings but of pretty good sizes. There were 2 of them. I approached them only to have Jess and Val say, “Watch out! Bird flu!”. Well, that’s how ludicrous my golf mates can get!
I proceeded to use my 6 iron to turn them over and to my horror it dawned on me that these were no ordinary birds but they were indeed a species of eagles called the” white belly eagle”. Curiosity got the better of me as I wanted to see what injuries they had sustained. Suddenly I heard an ear piercing, high pitched wailing sound. It was the mother eagle. She actually flew a wee bit too low over my head - probably yelling and calling me a murderer for having the audacity to hang around there. I ducked and ran off from the scene and desperately tried to continue with my game which was not to be.
The mother eagle continued to cry her heart out the way only she knew. She could not believe her babies were dead. She could not endure to see the carcasses of her beloved babies lying helplessly there on the grass. She could not stomach the fact that some predator had the heart to kill her little babies. She circled the area where her babies lay and continued screeching and screeching and screaming and screaming. Her loud protests pierced the morning sky and alerted my husband. Apparently, my house faces the 1st hole of the 3rd nine.
In vain I tried to focus on my game but it was impossible. Throughout the game she continued to defy the inevitable. I could hear her from hole to hole. Upon glancing up to the sky I noticed she was joined by other white belly eagles who also screamed in unison with her. The deep penetrating sorrowful cries of the mother eagle and her peers never relented.
These eagles are a sight to behold. They have grey and white feathers, their beaks are a stunning yellow and their eyes are blood shot red.You would catch your breath if you had come into eye contact with them. They are simply awesome.
I told my kids the plethora of events of the morning. The mood was somber as they started to imagine the catastrophe that had befallen the eagles. These eagles were our companions as we drank tea on the patio every evening. They swooned around the forest area right behind my house- father, mother and their babies. And today 2 of them are dead.
I took them to the location of the babies, but we could not venture too close because the mother eagle was still circulating the area- trying desperately to accept the cruel twist of fate that had befallen her babies. It was already noon, but for her, time had stood still the moment she discovered the bitter truth of her babies’ massacre. In utter disbelief and anarchy the mother eagle continued to scream and screech till dusk. Only when the sun was completely submerged did she stop her hysterical cries.
It was a day of reckoning for me. I actually felt the mother eagle’s excruciating pain. I felt her melancholy. I felt her loss. I felt her desperation. I felt her bewilderment. I felt her confusion. If only she could speak then the world will know that animals feel pain too.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Never Touch Another Ass
Last Sunday,I was in one of my lazy moods and decided to buy Asia Laksa from the famous Asia Laksa Restaurant in my neighbourhood. No tosai, meehoon goreng, mee goreng or American Breakfast today. Just hot, spicy curry laksa.
On a Sunday, the restaurant is always jam packed with people. I always have to wait at least 20 minutes before the lady "ta pau" for me. As I left the house, I saw the flyer"City Explorer" on my Volve windscreen. So, I picked it up. Aha, this will be my reading material as I wait for my laksa.
The restaurant is only about 15 minutes away from my home. As I parked my car at the back of the restaurant, I noticed the crowd already beginning to swell. A van with 10 people emerged next to me. I quickly got out of the car and made a quick dash through the side door. Yup, I beat them to the laksa lady! After placing my order which was a meehoon and a mee laksa, I proceeded to flip through the flyer.There were many,many advertisement for slimming, tucking, firming, boosting etc. My. my, my, this might as well be a flyer for females!
As I was curiously flipping through it, a group of young Indian boys around the age group of 20-25 walked in. I was dressed in a t-shirt and knee length jeans. These boys gazed at me, with the same old cheeky frown, making some small noises etc. The usual stuff, you know. I did not pay much attention to them. But it dawned on me if they realized that they were cooing a 40 odd year old lady? I am twice their age. But perhaps they were just having a cheap thrill or were in the habit of cat calling women , I dont know. But as they started sitting on the table next to me, the number of boys that joined them grew. One of the boys who was walking towards my direction actually stopped just a few feet away and smiled at me. I ignored him and continued to read my "Nip N Tuck" magazine. And then he came much closer to me and said,"How R U". I just dismissed him with a look and continued to read. Then he went behind me to take his seat at the table.
The next thing I knew, I felt a finger fiddling my ass!! I quickly turned around and since all I had in my hands was the magazine, with all my might, I slammed the magazine at the back of his head. He flinched as the magazine hit him on the neck and head. Since he was much taller than me, that was the only part of his anatomy I could reach. Supposing he was facing me, I would have kicked him on the crotch!
He proceeded to take his seat as if nothing happenned. I started shouting at him. Being an ex teacher, let me tell you that my voice is pretty loud. I called him a bloody fool and idiot and how dare he touch me. He pretended not to hear so I went over to the table and looked him in the face and said," You idiot, bloody fool. You got no mother, no sister. How would you feel if somenone touched their asses. And do I look like a young girl to you? I am old enough to be your mother, you idiot, bloody fool. You must be building a carrer going around touching ladies asses. And most of them would have just run away. How dare you touch me. Who the hell do you think you are.You messed with the wrong lady. Idiot, bloody fool!"
My whole body was shaking, not out of fear but anger. I was boiling inside.
Just then his friend beside him began to apologize. I told him,"Shut Up! An apology is meant for something that you did not do on purpose. This was planned by your friend. So you don't apologize. You educate him. Teach him how to behave himself."
Then I turned back to the other boy and said,"Idiot,bloody fool!"
By this time the whole restaurant was in pin drop silence. Everyone was looking at us. I slammed my fist on their table before I left the restaurant, raving mad and close to tears. As I walked back to my car fighting back the tears that had welled in my eyes, I told myself that I came here to buy laksa and Goddamnit I am going home with the laksa. I drove my Volvo around and parked it right in front of the restaurant. I got off with the engine still running , walked up to the lady and said,"Make my laksa now". She quickly packed for me. One of the boy's friends said, "Sorry" to me again. I said,"Shut Up!"
I got into my car and drove off seething with anger.
One thing for sure, I bet he will never touch another ass again.
On a Sunday, the restaurant is always jam packed with people. I always have to wait at least 20 minutes before the lady "ta pau" for me. As I left the house, I saw the flyer"City Explorer" on my Volve windscreen. So, I picked it up. Aha, this will be my reading material as I wait for my laksa.
The restaurant is only about 15 minutes away from my home. As I parked my car at the back of the restaurant, I noticed the crowd already beginning to swell. A van with 10 people emerged next to me. I quickly got out of the car and made a quick dash through the side door. Yup, I beat them to the laksa lady! After placing my order which was a meehoon and a mee laksa, I proceeded to flip through the flyer.There were many,many advertisement for slimming, tucking, firming, boosting etc. My. my, my, this might as well be a flyer for females!
As I was curiously flipping through it, a group of young Indian boys around the age group of 20-25 walked in. I was dressed in a t-shirt and knee length jeans. These boys gazed at me, with the same old cheeky frown, making some small noises etc. The usual stuff, you know. I did not pay much attention to them. But it dawned on me if they realized that they were cooing a 40 odd year old lady? I am twice their age. But perhaps they were just having a cheap thrill or were in the habit of cat calling women , I dont know. But as they started sitting on the table next to me, the number of boys that joined them grew. One of the boys who was walking towards my direction actually stopped just a few feet away and smiled at me. I ignored him and continued to read my "Nip N Tuck" magazine. And then he came much closer to me and said,"How R U". I just dismissed him with a look and continued to read. Then he went behind me to take his seat at the table.
The next thing I knew, I felt a finger fiddling my ass!! I quickly turned around and since all I had in my hands was the magazine, with all my might, I slammed the magazine at the back of his head. He flinched as the magazine hit him on the neck and head. Since he was much taller than me, that was the only part of his anatomy I could reach. Supposing he was facing me, I would have kicked him on the crotch!
He proceeded to take his seat as if nothing happenned. I started shouting at him. Being an ex teacher, let me tell you that my voice is pretty loud. I called him a bloody fool and idiot and how dare he touch me. He pretended not to hear so I went over to the table and looked him in the face and said," You idiot, bloody fool. You got no mother, no sister. How would you feel if somenone touched their asses. And do I look like a young girl to you? I am old enough to be your mother, you idiot, bloody fool. You must be building a carrer going around touching ladies asses. And most of them would have just run away. How dare you touch me. Who the hell do you think you are.You messed with the wrong lady. Idiot, bloody fool!"
My whole body was shaking, not out of fear but anger. I was boiling inside.
Just then his friend beside him began to apologize. I told him,"Shut Up! An apology is meant for something that you did not do on purpose. This was planned by your friend. So you don't apologize. You educate him. Teach him how to behave himself."
Then I turned back to the other boy and said,"Idiot,bloody fool!"
By this time the whole restaurant was in pin drop silence. Everyone was looking at us. I slammed my fist on their table before I left the restaurant, raving mad and close to tears. As I walked back to my car fighting back the tears that had welled in my eyes, I told myself that I came here to buy laksa and Goddamnit I am going home with the laksa. I drove my Volvo around and parked it right in front of the restaurant. I got off with the engine still running , walked up to the lady and said,"Make my laksa now". She quickly packed for me. One of the boy's friends said, "Sorry" to me again. I said,"Shut Up!"
I got into my car and drove off seething with anger.
One thing for sure, I bet he will never touch another ass again.
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