Never Touch Another Ass

Last Sunday,I was in one of my lazy moods and decided to buy Asia Laksa from the famous Asia Laksa Restaurant in my neighbourhood. No tosai, meehoon goreng, mee goreng or American Breakfast today. Just hot, spicy curry laksa.
On a Sunday, the restaurant is always jam packed with people. I always have to wait at least 20 minutes before the lady "ta pau" for me. As I left the house, I saw the flyer"City Explorer" on my Volve windscreen. So, I picked it up. Aha, this will be my reading material as I wait for my laksa.
The restaurant is only about 15 minutes away from my home. As I parked my car at the back of the restaurant, I noticed the crowd already beginning to swell. A van with 10 people emerged next to me. I quickly got out of the car and made a quick dash through the side door. Yup, I beat them to the laksa lady! After placing my order which was a meehoon and a mee laksa, I proceeded to flip through the flyer.There were many,many advertisement for slimming, tucking, firming, boosting etc. My. my, my, this might as well be a flyer for females!
As I was curiously flipping through it, a group of young Indian boys around the age group of 20-25 walked in. I was dressed in a t-shirt and knee length jeans. These boys gazed at me, with the same old cheeky frown, making some small noises etc. The usual stuff, you know. I did not pay much attention to them. But it dawned on me if they realized that they were cooing a 40 odd year old lady? I am twice their age. But perhaps they were just having a cheap thrill or were in the habit of cat calling women , I dont know. But as they started sitting on the table next to me, the number of boys that joined them grew. One of the boys who was walking towards my direction actually stopped just a few feet away and smiled at me. I ignored him and continued to read my "Nip N Tuck" magazine. And then he came much closer to me and said,"How R U". I just dismissed him with a look and continued to read. Then he went behind me to take his seat at the table.
The next thing I knew, I felt a finger fiddling my ass!! I quickly turned around and since all I had in my hands was the magazine, with all my might, I slammed the magazine at the back of his head. He flinched as the magazine hit him on the neck and head. Since he was much taller than me, that was the only part of his anatomy I could reach. Supposing he was facing me, I would have kicked him on the crotch!
He proceeded to take his seat as if nothing happenned. I started shouting at him. Being an ex teacher, let me tell you that my voice is pretty loud. I called him a bloody fool and idiot and how dare he touch me. He pretended not to hear so I went over to the table and looked him in the face and said," You idiot, bloody fool. You got no mother, no sister. How would you feel if somenone touched their asses. And do I look like a young girl to you? I am old enough to be your mother, you idiot, bloody fool. You must be building a carrer going around touching ladies asses. And most of them would have just run away. How dare you touch me. Who the hell do you think you are.You messed with the wrong lady. Idiot, bloody fool!"
My whole body was shaking, not out of fear but anger. I was boiling inside.
Just then his friend beside him began to apologize. I told him,"Shut Up! An apology is meant for something that you did not do on purpose. This was planned by your friend. So you don't apologize. You educate him. Teach him how to behave himself."
Then I turned back to the other boy and said,"Idiot,bloody fool!"
By this time the whole restaurant was in pin drop silence. Everyone was looking at us. I slammed my fist on their table before I left the restaurant, raving mad and close to tears. As I walked back to my car fighting back the tears that had welled in my eyes, I told myself that I came here to buy laksa and Goddamnit I am going home with the laksa. I drove my Volvo around and parked it right in front of the restaurant. I got off with the engine still running , walked up to the lady and said,"Make my laksa now". She quickly packed for me. One of the boy's friends said, "Sorry" to me again. I said,"Shut Up!"
I got into my car and drove off seething with anger.
One thing for sure, I bet he will never touch another ass again.